Date: 11 Jul, 2022
Let’s talk about the phases of a relationship. People meet each other, then they fall in love (sometimes not), they get engaged, and marry. In Hinduism, after all this, women tend to throw rice when they take vows at the wedding ceremony. It is the oldest custom of a wedding ceremony. With the environmental considerations, they are now using substitutes. Regardless of rice or its substitute, the purpose remains the same, it’s the symbol of fertility. The message from the wedding is crystal clear to society. They want a couple of children. So you can be one of them, unhappy most of the time.
After the following, one should always follow the trail to be in the good books of family and society, and couples face pressure to procreate in a number of ways. The parents or many times grandparents and in-laws tell you perfectly clear, that they want you to give a newborn. Directly, or indirectly, they say this clearly. Directly for those families who take a straightforward approach to tell the couple “isn’t it time already?” The other makes subtle hints pointing towards you in the same context. The terms “clock is ticking”, “we wanted to see the face of our grandchild before death” and “Start having a family” is common in most Indian homes to pressurize couples to have children. These taunting behaviors are mostly directed at females.
What if couples opt not to have children?
I want to clarify here that not having children is not that couples are infertile. Or they have some kind of problem that they can’t have kids. They deliberately choose not to have children and this is not wrong in any way. Today, there are more couples than ever who make this choice as being a non-parent or childless couple. In some cases, they render themselves infertile. For a man, this means a vasectomy and for a woman, a tubal ligation.
Are these couples being selfish by not having children? Why would they make such a choice? What motivates them? Doesn’t marriage mean having children?
We have to believe that we are living in a society where people are understanding and accepting what’s good for them or not. Most couple thinks that they are unfit for parenthood. One needs to be too responsible to safely raise a family. Or, they may have serious addiction problems, an angry temperament, etc.
Sometimes everything is in the right place, still, couples choose to be childless, and that’s also a fine approach. Many motivating factors for choosing not to have kids are there. The couples make this decision because they feel very strongly about this.
To counter this “childless” term, many couples have changed it to “childfree”. It certainly is less judgemental and expresses best their sentiments.
One individual put it this way:
“I don’t want the hassle of changing diapers and chauffeuring a kid all over town just isn’t for me.” Many childfree couples explain their decision in just this way. The exhaustion is too much of waking up middle of the night to feed the infant and sometimes ignoring the parties and staying at home, just for the sake of the child.”
The financials spent on child care and on pre and post-school is too much to handle these inflation times.
They point out the fact that their sisters or brothers who have children are under pressure all the time because the demands of parenthood are relentless. Instead, they prefer to have the stability and peace that comes with being childfree. They explain that this also gives them the opportunity to enjoy their marriages without having to cope with the distractions presented by children.
If you have in the company of an environmentalist friend, you can also ask him about the environmental factors of having children. In Matrix, they beautifully explained how humans are the virus for this world full of resources. They multiply with lightning speed and eat the world as comfortably as they can. For example, they mention the increasing concern of overpopulation around the planet and do not want to add to the crisis. They cite the growing digit of poverty-stricken and starved youngsters around the planet.
This is true that women have to burden themselves with pregnancy. As women are competing against men in every field, they tend to focus more on creating a professional identity than bearing a child. In the 1950s things were distinguishable. The family structure of the woman being at home, raising children, while their husbands earned a living no longer exists today.
Today women become lawyers, MDs, veterinarians, business people, managers, and business owners. In this scenario, husband and wife each have a professional or business life and the combined wealth that accompanies it.
Question on marriage?
If the couple is restricting or freeing themselves from the children, then there is no need for marriage. The couples can live, travel, and participate in parties. The debate on having children or not comes after the marriage. They can choose to live happy and productive lives and were also free to enjoy all the things life had to offer.
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