Date: 13 May, 2022
When dating someone new, it’s all too easy to look at the person through rose-colored glasses—and miss the glaring signs they’re not right for you. Often referred to as red flags, we’ve all seen these glaring signs before, but whether we ignore them, try to work with them, or walk away is up to us.
Red flags like constant put-downs can signal a kind of emotional abuse, which is relatively common.
Sometimes these red flags can be less extreme, and other times they’re a crystal clear sign to run for the hills
1. Physical abuse
The biggest red flag in any relationship is this. Any kind of physical abuse should be taken very seriously. Only, if you feel physically scared by how the person is, or if they’ve ever behaved in ways that are physically abusive or threatening. Leave that relationship right now.
2. Emotional abuse
Along with physical abuse, emotional abuse is also huge a red flag.
In a healthy relationship, your support and encourage one another and are always there to fulfill the partner’s emotional needs.
Anyone who is extremely manipulative and gaslighting you in arguments or in general or makes you feel like you’re the problem, you’re acting crazy, or you’re causing them to act a certain way—those are all red flags.
3. Inconsistency
A healthy relationship is supposed to make you feel safe with consistent efforts from both sides and not like an emotional roller coaster
If your partner has erratic or inconsistent behavior towards you when it comes to care, love, intimacy, etc, has a sudden outburst of love, and seems to not care the other times is a red flag indicating this person will not be a reliable partner.
4. Inability to have difficult conversations:
In any healthy relationship, it’s required that both the partners are able to talk about their feelings and be available to communicate better in tough times. A partner who lacks the emotional or behavioral skills needed to cope with problems and runs away from them instead can harm your relationship.
Some examples are walking away from arguments without hearing you out, or ignoring you for days at a time when things get rough.
5. Unequal Input and Output:
It’s important to look at how much both of you are giving and receiving in the relationship. There should be equal give and take from both of you, and if in the long term you feel as if you’re giving more than what you’re receiving, that’s a red flag.
There obviously are times when it can’t be 50-50 but if that’s something you feel all the time during the relationship it’s not a good sign.
6. Excessive possessiveness and jealousy:
This refers to your partner being overly possessive and insecure almost all the time especially when you’re talking to other or going out without them.
A jealous partner may also suffocate you with excessive calls or texts and try to control what you do.
A 2010 meta-analysis found that as jealousy in a relationship increased, the relationship quality decreased, indicating that jealousy harms romantic relationships.
So this is clearly another huge red flag.
To conclude
Not every red flag has to mark the end of a relationship, but understanding your own non-negotiables will help when deciding whether to stick around.
Asking yourself other questions like:
“Do I feel safe with this person?” or
“Are you willing to wait or be patient if your partner is willing to work on the relationship?”