Date: 05 Jul, 2022
Modern society evaluates everything, not only non-reactive things but also partnerships/relationships. The theory mainly goes with the assessment of costs and benefits.
- If we go to the analysis, the partners in dysfunctional relationships always evaluate what they’ll lose if they leave and mostly stay after the calculations.
- Many couples stay together in the hope that it will improve in the future.
- If they ever think of leaving their partners, better alternatives are not easy to find, so they find reasons to stay together.
As per the thought process of a large number of people, marriage is an enriching experience, yet we know the truth that couples are deeply dissatisfied but they stay together. There are reasons for that. Unhappy people don’t choose to leave and end their relationships. Some psychologists say some unhappy couples quit while they’re struggling and others stick to it.
The science of relationships is guided by the interdependence theory, developed by social psychologists Harold Kelley and John Thibaut more than half a century ago.
Briefing about the story, each partner always evaluates the personal satisfaction with the relationship after assessing the costs and benefits. As long as you find benefits, you’re happy with your partner.
Your partner may need a lot of time and resources from you but gives back by meeting your needs. Interdependence theory says the perceived costs outweigh perceived benefits that your attitude towards the relationship sours.
The relationship isn’t a zero-sum game. If one has apples, the other has oranges. One of the apples is worth more than the other, and vice-versa to the oranges. We give our partners what they want, in return for meeting our needs. When we negotiate on these exchanges, the partners always feel that they’ve gained more than they’ve given.
The partnership feels committed under the following conditions according to the interdependency theory:
- The investment in each other is heavy, giving them a sense that marriage must have some value.
- The alternatives are pretty less and they stick to the current relationship.
- Taking an example from the nearby couples, they feel satisfied with the marriage.
Soulmates and Financial Compatibility
In modern cultures ushering us towards examples, we want our spouses to be our soulmates. We are always in the search of a best friend in our partner. In many cultures, marriages are still arranged by parents, mostly not based on financial compatibility, not affairs on the heart.
The family cultures are wide. And where the abuse is the norm, many assume that that’s the way all marriages are. There are other cases too.
According to the research analyst, the commitment isn’t based on a current level of satisfaction with the relationship. Rather, it totally depends on the partner’s expected relationship satisfaction in the future.
Does the newborn settle the arrangement of the Relationship?
Take an instance, the first newborn. It’s a moment of joy, isn’t it? But the outcomes are negative. The reduction in intimacy increased demands for time. The couples still remain committed to each other, because they still think it will get better with time. They ignore the period of current satisfaction and rely on future betterment.
It indicates that the problems need to be addressed. Sticking to it or leaving is not the answer every time. The couple therapies might work in disturbed relationships.
Talking more about relationships, marriage is just a commitment and commitment is a part of the bargain that nobody will leave
Perspective On Divorce in Relationship
Researchers have found a way. “ The alternatives of other potential romantic partners”, but the contract of marriage always comes in between this. The choice of living alone is better for some people and for some it is worse than death. Marriage is still the most basic level of economic arrangement for raising kids in most partnerships. Many couples stay together for the sake of the kids. The perspective of divorce is calculated as dividing the children between two homes. So separate bedrooms and bank accounts work in most cases.
In the religious aspect, many cultures shun people who are divorced. So social support might be at risk with the divorce.
When people can’t envision an alternative that’s better than an unhappy marriage, they may stay and try to make the best of a bad situation. They end up being housemates than soulmates. They may derive little happiness from their partnership, but they don’t expect it, either. And some, perhaps many, still find sufficient happiness from friendships or other activities in their lives.
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