Date: 27 Apr, 2022
Reena (a woman) was talking to her friend. “I feel frustrated. I can’t handle so much pressure anymore. All the work that I did so smoothly until now, feels like a burden. Taking care of everyone’s schedule and coping with my own changing self, is becoming difficult now. Sometimes it feels like the problem is with me. Some other times I think that every one is taking me for granted. Like no one ever understands how I feel, even if I tell them. Then I start thinking….
Am I not being loud enough?
Have I not chosen the right words?
What is the problem exactly?
Why does no one understand what I am going through?
It feels like a cage I am caught in. So yes, it is frustrating. And I feel like running away to a life where I am responsible only for myself.”
Her friend listened quietly, nodding every now and then. It looked like Reena was speaking for her friend as well.
Both of these ladies were middle aged. A phase when so much is happening inside us, some of which are known, rest are not. And we keep trying to find what is wrong with us.
Well, one of the causes of these changes is physiological changes.
Physiological changes
Middle age is a time when a woman’s body goes through a lot of changes. Menopause is a major one among them all. It brings mood swings, hot flushes, uncontrollable and unpredictable periods in many others. Most of the women fail to point a finger to the reason behind such changes.
Psychological changes
Uncertain physical difficulties make women irritated, exhausted and tired. It affects their productivity. The woman worked and cared for the entire family all her life, with no complaints. Now she expects her family to understand and support her in the time of need.
By now, her family has developed a habit of taking her for granted. She ends up taking most of their responsibilities. That’s why, even though she tries a lot to get free, she gets no success. So, don’t complain, if she looks for freedom from the existing set up.
What Reena is going through is not different from others. She is not feeling anything different. She gets exhausted like most of the other women of her age.
Emotional disturbance
All these situations, that don’t let her have any ‘me time’, which is so essential now. Trying to find a solution, Reena turns to her husband. She thinks that he will understand her problems and help her find a solution. But her husband knows very well. Whatever he suggests, it is going to increase his own responsibilities. He will also have to start anew. Now that he is also ageing, he is coping with his own problems. Reena is discussing, but her husband can’t provide her any solution. So, he tries to make her understand, “It is usual. Take rest for a few days, and it will all be well.”
Reena was aware that resting for a few days is not a permanent solution. Despite knowing the outcome, Reena went to her sister’s place for a change. While being there, she did nothing more than worrying about her family.
How are they surviving without me?
Don’t know if they are taking care of themselves or not….
She wouldn’t eat or sleep properly. Her sister tried to make her understand that her family is capable enough to take care of themselves. And, she is not invincible. But, Reena ended up coming back earlier than expected and doing double of the work.
And she felt stuck in the same loop again.
Sexual problems
This is something that Reena badly wants to discuss about and find a solution to. Sadly, she doesn’t know who to go to. Of course, she has sexual needs. She has certain expectations that she wishes to be met. Now, her husband has stopped paying much attention to her. Things aren’t the same as they were before. He also feels exhausted all the time. Little work is too much for him. Reena doesn’t feel like saying much to him, because she doubts if the situation will improve.
Days go by when they become intimate. That too has been left at the discreet of her husband only.
What about her desires?
Getting old doesn’t mean any compromises on our desires. But her husband doesn’t understand this. Neither does he want to talk much about it.
Reena thinks, she will be a different woman, if her needs and expectations are met. She will be happier, healthier and active. After all, this is one life.
This is when, she starts thinking of exploring new horizons. Something, that is different from the usual ways of spending life. As these ways are not working for her anymore.
She has to stand up for herself and make herself heard
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