Date: 10 Aug, 2022
There are many different kinds of relationships. If you’re currently in a committed and monogamous relationship, you may be wondering how to proceed if your partner wants an open relationship.
To better understand, process, and proceed, it is necessary to first understand what an open relationship entails. An open relationship is one in which partners are free to engage in sexual, emotional, and/or romantic endeavors with other people.
According to a 2018 study, 4-5 percent of North Americans were in a consensually non-monogamous connection. In society, the non-monogamy is still widely stigmatized. A study suggests that partners in open relationships are just as satisfied and happy as those in monogamous relationships.
If nonmonogamy is a foreign concept to you, your mind may be racing. Spend some time thinking about your romantic objectives and what you want from your connection. Being truthful with yourself and your partner may save you time and heartache in the future. Or it may lead to a new level of fulfillment. If your partner insists on an open connection, it’s up to you to decide whether you’re comfortable with it. Or if you should end your connection with this person.
Continue reading to find out if an open relationship is right for you.
Know Your Partner’s Reasons
If your partner wishes to have an open relationship, they should clearly explain why. Perhaps they’ve tried and failed at monogamy in the past. And would prefer to be upfront and open about their intentions rather than have to sneak around. Or maybe they don’t feel like their needs are being met right now. They are looking for fulfillment outside of your connection.
“Sex inside the partnership is monotonous; one’s requirements are not being satisfied, not only for diversity but also for a particular preference that the partner would not indulge.” Once you understand why your partner wants an open relationship , you can make a more informed decision about whether or not to continue.
Understand Open Relationships Versus Cheating
There is no secrecy, dishonesty, or subversion in an open relationship, unlike in a cheating relationship. An open relationship, by definition, requires both partners’ consent to engage in connections with people outside the primary connection.
Examine Your Desire to Interact with Others
After hearing your partner’s reasons for wanting an open relationship, you should consider whether you want to pursue other options outside of your current connection. If you answered “yes,” then an open relationship might be worth a shot. Since you and your partner can both be with other people while being completely open and honest with one another.
When one person agrees to consensual nonmonogamy under duress…the challenges become far more intense than if everyone involved truly consented.
Weigh the Possibility of One-Sided Monogamy
If you don’t want to be with other people, consider whether you’d be okay with your partner leaving your connection while you stay monogamous. “That is where one wishes or expects a monogamous relationship to exist, while the other partner is not,” Alman adds.
Remember that there are open connections in this situation. And you must be honest with yourself about whether or not you can handle it.
If you are prone to jealousy, sharing your partner with others may not be the best option for you.
Assess the Pros of an Open Relationship
Open relationships allow people to be open to new experiences and satisfy curiosities. They may have that without jeopardizing the primary relationship’s bond. Open relationships can provide a consistent sense of novelty, increased opportunities for connection, opportunities to try new fantasies, and introductions to desires they had not previously considered. They can also be a good option for partners who want to explore their sexualities, don’t have sexual compatibility, or are aroused by their partner engaging in sexual acts with others.
Consider the Drawbacks of an Open Relationship
The negative aspects of an open relationship stem primarily from issues in the primary relationship. Partners who enter an open relationship without being truly comfortable with the arrangement are likely to be dissatisfied with the relationship. Similarly, if partners aren’t completely honest with themselves or each other, and fail to communicate expectations and boundaries effectively, the relationship could quickly deteriorate. Most importantly, if the reason for entering an open relationship is a desperate last-ditch effort to repair an already-unstable relationship, those efforts may be futile.
Consider the State of Your Current Relationship
If you’re thinking about having an open relationship, it’s critical that your current relationship is strong. Many people mistakenly believe that opening up a relationship can be beneficial if they are currently experiencing difficulties as a couple, but a rocky relationship will most likely fail.
Given the difficulty of negotiating and maintaining consensual nonmonogamous relationships, it is not surprising that using it to repair a broken connection rarely works.
Set Rules and Boundaries
Honesty and open communication are essential for success in any relationship. Evaluate your own expectations and needs first, and then talk with your spouse about setting limits to safeguard those needs. These can include how much information should be shared regarding secondary relationships. The sexual risk management (using protection, being tested for STDs, and so on), and time distribution between secondary (or tertiary) partners and you. For instance, you may need a particular amount of one-on-one time with your partner, set up special dates, or guarantee that they do not communicate with secondary partners while you are together. “An open/closed connection has as many conceivable outcomes as there are rules and agreements governing it,” Alman observes.
Be cautious of rules governing emotions. While putting a firm end to developing romantic feelings for someone else may feel safer, emotions can be difficult to manage. Maintain regular check-ins to verify that all sides are happy with the agreements, which can always be renegotiated if needed.
Decide If This Is a Deal-Breaker
Finally, you must consider whether you are comfortable with an open relationship. And, while you may like your spouse and care deeply for them, you must consider your own goals and needs while making this critical decision.
If you’re not completely comfortable saying “yes” to an open relationship but aren’t quite ready to call it quits, Sheff suggests another option: “When couples consider shifting from monogamy to consensual nonmonogamy and find it difficult, seeking some assistance from a professional counselor, therapist, or coach can help them to consider and negotiate alternatives.”
Remember that you have control over the type of connection you have. If you demand monogamy, you should find someone who does as well. Your partner should choose someone who is completely on board with an open relationship.
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